How To Meet People In NYC, Make Friends In New York City
How To Make Friends In NYC, Guide On Making Friends In New York City, How To Meet People In New York City, Making Friends In NYC As An Adult, How To Make Male/Female Friends In NYC
How To Meet People In New York City
I grew up in the Bay Area, went to school in Los Angeles and lived in New York City and have seen the differences in social interactions, personality types, opportunities, and challenges people face in meeting others, making friends and building a community.
In my line of work, I help people make friends and date using online tools, optimizing in-person opportunities all while assessing things like wardrobe, first impressions, social skills and lifestyle choices. Before my current focus, I used to work in tech for about a decade.
I analyzed disparate data sets, optimized business operations and worked cross functionally across C-level execs, technical teams and customer facing roles. What I learned in that role was that the ability to read people, understand nuance, aggressively test hypothesis and learn from mistakes is a life skill that can yield incredible gains for people outside the business world.
Making Friends In New York City
What you have to understand is that NYC is a completely different beast - it’s a melting pot of cultures, filled with lots of type A personalities and fosters an always on the go vibe.
Given its density, people and late-night operation hours, there are countless opportunities to meet people. In my situation, I wasn’t necessarily looking to meet people or make friends, but it happened anyways.
The basic framework for making friends anywhere in the world is a factor of:
proximity (how close you are to others, type of people in your neighborhood)
frequency (how often you see said person and in what capacity)
shared interests/experiences (hobbies, lifestyles, upbringing, culture)
personality/social skills (how are you able to relate to others)
ability to use good judgement (read rooms, read people, cut off timewasters etc.)
first impressions (how you dress, how you carry yourself, hygiene)
Related reads:
Meeting People In NYC: Location Matters
Location matters quite a bit when it comes to meeting people and making friends. Where you live/work will impact things like:
where you become a regular
how quickly/easily you can meet others
who you run into
While this is the hardest/most expensive thing to control, it’s something you should not overlook if you have options. Too many people move to NYC on whim and don’t factor things like proximity to subway lines, access to express routes and how easy it is for people to meet you.
It may take several visits to be seen, recognized but over time, people may make an effort to reach out, say hello when you are seen elsewhere etc.
When out and about, be sure to keep your earphones off, sit at communal tables, know things like the wifi pw, make space so people can ask if a seat is open etc.
Meeting People In NYC: Self-Work
Self-work should be a lifelong endeavor. It doesn’t mean you have to be perfect or work tirelessly to fix yourself but it’s a mindset that that the more you invest in yourself, the easier it is to meet people, make friends and build community.
People in New York are driven by people with ambition, drive. If you are the type to wait for others to invite you out, make plans, introduce you to friends and plan your social calendar, it’s not very likely to meet people often/easily. Sure, it’s possible but even if it does happen, you have to offer something in exchange.
Be ready to commit to plans (don’t say sounds interesting or let me get back to you - learn to say yes.
Be sure to express enthusiasm, gratitude.
Show up (not just physically but be present)
See where you can add value to an outing, social circle etc. This could be good at planning events, doing research, executing plans, curating people or something simple like taking great photos
These are things that can be worked on while you focus on other areas listed in the guide.
Live A Fulfilling Life - Volunteer, Take Classes, Travel
There will be more logistical tips on making friends in NYC here, but you can’t ignore things that make people interesting, unique and magnetic.
Things like life experience go a long way to meeting people. You can’t just order friends like you order food on Doordash or hookups on Grindr.
Things like being well-traveled, cultured, well-red, having a unique upbringing can assist with things to talk about. Expanding hobbies and interests is also very key. If all your life is dominated by solo/homebody activities, it’s going to be brutal to make friends in NYC.
Yes, it’s possible to make friends with similar hobbies and interests like these, but it will require you to try even harder as such people don’t make efforts themselves and expect others to reach out, make plans, keep in touch etc.
Take classes, volunteer, become a regular, read up on local culture, arts, news, entertainment. The more you spend time at home, the less you will have to talk about with others.
I know NYC is an expensive city but there are lots of free concerts, free museum days, outdoor events and street fairs and festivals to partake in. Similarly, hosting potlucks, picnics or coordinating happy hour get togethers can be great skills to master.
Learn To Take Great Notes, Make Good Lists & Do Things On Your Own
I have met lots of people over the years by my ability to do research, make lists, offer insights or take the lead and do things on your own even if you are not sure if others will join you. Things like:
making best happy hour lists
getting tickets to events and inviting others
making reservations
Be Visible, Stand Out - How To Make Friends In New York City
There are many ways to stand out and be seen by others. These include:
Dining at bar seats at restaurants,
Sitting at communal tables at bars,
Decorate your laptop with interesting stickers when you work remotely
Wear something cool, interesting (a ballcap from your alma mater, a t-shirt from your local sports team, a shirt from your favorite brewery/bar/restaurant.
Have a cool phone cover
Have awesome watches/sunglasses/shoes/tote bags.
Making Friends As An Introvert In NYC: Look For Connectors
These people are magnetic and get off on meeting people, introducing others, expanding social circles etc. They are rare but you go to third spaces, attend events, check out meetups, volunteer, take classes, become a regular, you will find them eventually.
Learn To Make Small Talk, Give Compliments
It’s going to be tough for some more than others but learning basic things like paying a compliment and meaning it can go a long way. Lots of people are in the same boat as you in terms of wanting to meet others and all it might take is for someone to say something.
People who are new in town or new to a neighborhood are prime candidates for making friends so instead of always seeking to take from others, learn to give.
Offer directions if someone is lost.
Offer a hand if someone could use a hand.
Offer a seat if someone is looking to find a seat at a coffee shop
Ask someone where they got an article of clothing
TL;DR - Making Friends In NYC
It’s going to take time to meet people in New York City. You will have to learn to read a room and see if a place has the type of people you want to meet.
You may not meet anyone the first time or after a dozen times but you should go to places because you are interested in said space, offering, vibe etc vs going to a place because you are lonely.
About Eddie Hernandez
Analytics geek turned photographer (headshots, personal branding, dating profiles), image consultant (wardrobe, social skills, making friends) & dating coach for introverts, engineers, tech folks, men/women, and straight/lgbtq+ (as seen in the NYT, WSJ). Check out my blog for all your dating questions/concerns.
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